In this blog post I’m going to talk about the days when you just don’t feel like it.
I’ve touched on this in other posts but I’ll talk about it from a different perspective. There are things going on in my life at the moment that I don’t like. I don’t have control over them and I’m fed up.
Put simply, I don’t want to have to deal with them anymore.
It’s 12.41am and I’m tired but can’t sleep. My mind is racing over and over and I wish there was a ‘stop’ button I could use to shut it down.
I’m tired and I’m over it. I wish this stuff that’s going on would ease so I could just get on with everything else I have to do. That, unfortunately, is beyond my control. I don’t have a ‘stop’ button for that either.
I keep talking about acceptance. Acceptance is the key to getting through anything you are going through. It’s the key to healing yourself from what’s gone on.
But today/tonight/this morning, I just don’t feel like accepting.
I’m not in the mood. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m pissed off. I’m annoyed. I’m resentful.
But that’s how I feel now and I know that’s okay. I know feelings aren’t permanent. I know that I won’t feel like this forever.
Today, I’m just going to feel it. I’m going to feel sorry for myself. I’m going to feel annoyed. I’m going to cry.
I’m going to allow myself some space up feel what I’m feeling. I’ll talk to people and get all of the things I’m feeling out of my system.
I’ll sulk. I’ll mope. I’ll be angry. I’ll get as much of what I’m thinking and feeling out of my system.
I don’t want to bottle it up. I don’t want to hide it. I don’t want to pretend everything’s okay when it’s not.
Because sometimes life isn’t okay. Sometimes I’m not okay. And that’s okay.
Things won’t always be this way and I know that. I know what’s happening isn’t the end of the world. It’s not the end of my world. And it won’t be the end of me.
I know I’ll fall asleep at some point. I know tomorrow I’ll be tired and I might still feel a lot of the things I’m feeling now and that’s okay because there will come a point where I don’t feel them.
Or rather, as it usually is with me, I’ll get bored with feeling this way and I’ll pick myself up and dust myself off and remember that ‘Sh*t happens’ and I’ll get on with things as best I can.
But today, I’m just going to sit here and feel how I feel. And I’m okay with that
All my love, Gretel xx