In this blog post, I’m going to talk about how I have healed myself from what has happened to me and how I still do it when things go wrong today. I said in my last post I was going to talk about this in a later post but woke up this morning and thought “Why not write this now? Why wait?”
So here is what I have learned.
The last thing I want for myself is to be this walking talking festering bundle of pain, anger, hate, bitterness and resentment. I spent many years living that way and it wasn’t good. It wasn’t a good way to live at all.
Over the years, I’ve actually become pretty efficient at turning wounds into scars. I have been wounded by many, many different things in my life. From the all consuming abandonment, rejection and aloneness I felt when I was younger to the stab to the heart from someone who has said something that was insensitive.
The pain from those wounds has been very different but how to turn them into scars is exactly the same every time. Even more importantly though, the consequences of leaving these wounds to fester and not turn them into scars is exactly the same. I will talk about this a little first.
There have been many times where I have let myself wallow in something that has happened. I have been hurt. I have been angry. I have been resentful. I’ve usually been justified in feeling that way, too.
I have had every right to feel all of those things.
But there comes a point where feeling the emotions you feel about something turn to wallowing in it. It turns to self-pity. For me, when I have allowed myself to wallow, the emotions got worse. I got angrier. The pain became deeper. I have become more resentful and it hasn’t been good. At all.
Just imagine this as being a physical wound on your skin. If you don’t look after it and do things like clean it, it becomes infected. If it becomes infected and you still don’t treat it, the infection can spread to other parts of your body and make you very, very ill. The wound itself can start smelling. It can turn gangrenous and you could end up with a part of your body needing to be amputated.
It’s the same with these wounds we feel in our hearts. If we don’t treat the wounds we feel, they can cause us many, many more problems. We can become bitter. We can become angry with the world. We can become miserable.
The way I have worked out how to treat the multitude of wounds I have had in my life and turn it into a scar is through acceptance.
I have found that simple act of accepting that ‘sh*t happens’ is what turns the wound into a scar. It’s actually not that complicated.
I’ve found that simple act of accepting that things are what they are and trying to make the best of what has happened so liberating. It has made me feel free. Feel light.
I feel like I’m not bound to something. It’s like in my head, I have wiped the slate clean. I have just pressed a ‘restore factory settings’ button and I can start again.
Like when you have to do a hard reset on your phone, it is a pain and you have to reinstall your apps etc, but the feeling you get when you accept that things are what they are is so worth the pain of having to start over again. You might need a bit of time to get your head back on straight again, which I do more often than not, but that’s okay. Maybe taking time out to recover after you’ve accepted that things are what they are is the mental and emotional equivalent of reinstalling the apps on your phone.
The thing is, when you let a wound fester, you find it harder to move on because that wound impacts on your day-to-day life. Like with a physical wound, when you accept that things are what they are, it stops the wound’s ability to cause more damage to you.
At the end of the day, when we are hurting, we have every right to feel what we are feeling. We have every right to be angry. We have every right to be sad. We have every right to be upset. We just can’t stay there.
We have to accept that things are what they are so that our wounds can become scars.
Sh*t happens. None of us can stop that. But what we can stop is the impact that sh*t has on us in the long term through accepting what’s happened and turning our wounds into scars.
It’s actually not that hard. Please trust me when I say this. I have had to do this many, many (many, many, many, many, many, many) times. I have had to turn countless wounds into scars.
I’m not minimising what has happened nor the pain it has caused you. I’m just trying to simplify what can sometimes feel like a very difficult thing to do. All you need to do is accept that things are what they are.
Feel what you feel. Be angry. Be sad. Cry. Yell. Feel the emotions. But don’t stay there.
Staying there is what causes the wounds to fester. To cause more damage.
Sometimes this can be a process and you might have to keep accepting that things are what they are over and over as the wounds heal, like you have to treat a physical wound over and over until it heals. All you need to do, though, is accept that sh*t happens and try your best to move forward.
All my love, Gretel xx