In this blog post, I am going to talk about the questions we all have sometimes, which are along the lines of ‘why me?’, ‘why did this happen to me?’ or ‘what have I done to deserve this?’
I think every single person alive has asked that question at some point in their life. Things are easier when they make sense. The thing that sucks about life is that there is no answer to those questions.
As I type this, one of my friends is in the hospital with her 2 week old baby. Her little girl is dying. She only has a few hours left to live. I’m sitting here waiting for the message/call to say she has passed away. It is crap!! It shouldn’t be happening but it is.
Life doesn’t make sense. Life can be cruel. Unimaginably cruel.
What has happened to you in your life ISN’T fair. You didn’t deserve it. You have every right to be angry and ask ‘why me’.
The messed up thing is, you will probably never be able to find an answer to that question. Sadly, it is just one of those things, like my friend’s little girl. She doesn’t deserve to die so young. She doesn’t deserve to have been born with the catastrophic health issues.
I didn’t deserve to be treated the way that I was when I was younger. I didn’t deserve to be abused. I didn’t deserve to be rejected. I didn’t deserve to be abandoned. But I was.
For years, I wanted to know why. I wanted to know what I had done to deserve what happened. I didn’t deserve it. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.
It’s hard when you are in a situation like that. You want something to make sense. You want to understand why.
So what do you do when there is no answer and nothing makes sense?
I spent years and years asking why. I spent years and years wanting an explanation. A reason. I still don’t have one. During those years when I was desperate for a reason, I really struggled. They were the hardest years of my life. It is during those times that I tried to take my own life.
I felt hard done by. I felt victimised. Do you know what?! I was on both counts. What happened to me should never have happened. Ever. It’s the same with you. There is no disputing that fact.
But when you are looking for an answer to a question that there is no answer for, such as ‘why me’, your frustration levels increase. You get angrier. You get more upset. You get more depressed.
As I said, I spent years in that place of wanting things to make sense and when they didn’t, I felt increasingly worse about myself and about my life. It was a spiral that went further and further down into a dark place.
In the end, I came to a crossroads. I don’t exactly remember what it was that caused me to get there but I remember being faced with 2 very clear decisions. They were;
- To keep asking why and keep feeling sorry for myself or;
- To accept that ‘sh*t happens’ and to just get back up and make the best of what is happening around me.
I chose to just accept that ‘sh*t happens’ and this was THE turning point in my life. This was the moment where I started to turn it all around.
I found that I wasn’t battling myself as much. I found that I wasn’t as angry. I found that I had more energy to actually focus on fixing the situation. For making sure that I was okay.
When you aren’t fighting a battle inside yourself every minute of every day, you are calmer. You are more at peace. You are happier. Life is less draining.
Thinking this way isn’t easy. I think about my friend. Her little girl was born with some catastrophic brain issues that mean she just isn’t meant for this world. I can’t turn around to her and say “Sh*t happens!”.
I know this is going to break her into million pieces over and over again but I also know that she understands that, as unfair as they are, these things happen. She will get to a place where she will get up and do the best she can to deal with what has happened to her precious little girl. It will be hard and it will hurt every minute of every day but I know she will do it.
What you have been through is bad. It hurts. It is brutal. You are allowed to feel sad and broken by it. I am still sad about what happened to me. I am sad that I went through what I did but I am determined to make the best out of a very shitty situation.
It does. Life is going to do what life is going to do. We can’t stop that, no matter how hard we try. Things happen that are cruel. They are unfair. They are heartbreaking.
We have two choices – we can let what happens to us get the better of us or we can get back up and do our best to make the best out of what happens to us.
I believe fully that the reason I am still here today and I am loving my life is because I have made a decision to always try and make the best of what happens to me. It isn’t easy to do but I know that if I had let what happened to me get the better of me, I would be a broken and miserable mess. In fact, I probably would have taken my own life.
I have friends who have been through a lot less than I have who struggle to accept that shit happens and they are unhappy and angry. They are stuck asking ‘Why?’
None of us can control what happens to us but we can control the way we deal with it.
It’s not easy but being happy and content in the long run is so worth the effort you will have to put in.
Each of us have a choice. May we make the right one.
All my love, Gretel xx
Fly high, beautiful Emmy Rose! Thank for sharing your magic with us. xxxx